This is What I Deal With Daily

The following is an actual rejection letter from the United States Patent and Trademark Office. It was brought in to my office by a gentleman who was mad at the Chamber. Apparently his brother told him that, at our suggestion, he should file his patent first because it would be funny. While it in fact was funny, I was not employed here when said conversation took place...an answer he did not care for.

Re: Patent Application for the Word "Flagelajadingdong-nog-syrupification"

Dear Mr. Mark Feezell:

Although the USPTO first rejected your request to patent this "hella funny-sounding word"—to use your exact expression—on the grounds that it was not only an inutile and abstract idea but, frankly, a wholly absurd one, we were subsequently forced to retract this rejection and issue a new one because "flagelajadingdong-nog-syrupification" has, in fact, already been patented (as a process) by one Mr. Daniel Feezell of El Dorado, Kansas. Mr. Daniel Feezell's patent defines the process as follows:

The act of patenting the word "flagelajadingdong-nog-syrupification" before one's younger brother does, thereby stymieing his lifelong dream of obtaining a patent.

Regrettably, we must honor those patents already in effect, however ridiculous in nature. Please consider this a final rejection notice and do not appeal our decision. Once again, we are sorry for the bad news, and that you were flagelajadingdong-nog-syrupificated by the other, apparently cleverer Mr. Feezell.

Yours,
United States Patent and Trademark Office