Not as Personal as One Sent in the Mail, but 13 cents Cheaper than the Buurstra’s

Ah the Christmas card blog. Nothing says you’re not worth 39 cents more efficiently. We even took a picture this year. Last year we had cards, this year we have cards and a picture…next year we may even get stamps…but let’s not fool ourselves, it will be at least 2008 before one of the three make it to your mailbox.
To get ourselves in the Christmas spirit we attended a concert last night in Wichita. For you Calvary folks, remember when Festival of Lights was just a concert with the orchestra, choir and 200,000 lights? You know when we had an orchestra and before it became a full-blown pageant/musical that became so over the top they had to start performing it every other year? Yeah, that was this concert. Not real flashy, but just enough Christmas music to choke an elf. This church has jumped on the “contemporary” (or as I call it, “Calvary’s Sr. High Sunday School”) service bandwagon and had a band that accompanied the orchestra.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind this…I actually enjoy it. It’s just when the band is a little too “Rock” it can be distracting. Close your eyes for a minute and picture this. (Ok, I understand the logistics of closing both eyes and still being able to read this so let’s try just one eye…now raise your hand if you closed both eyes before you realized the predicament this would put you in. There are three people reading this who are lying to themselves and those around them by not raising their hands…I saw those eyes close).

So, picture this if you will. A petite woman who obviously works out dressed in leather pants, a borderline “indecent for church” shirt, with rose colored sunglasses rocking out on a flaming axe (a guitar with flames on it) held up by a leopard print strap. Are you distracted yet? Now imagine that this woman is a spitting image dead ringer for Barbara Lang. Now how distracted are you? Kurt, pick your self up off the floor.

If I hadn’t been in the third row I wouldn’t have believed it. Knowing full well that Babs is 1200 miles away all the while staring her in the face is a bit unnerving. You try to concentrate on the kid’s choir. I love Barbara Lang. She is successfully making AARP eligibility the new 35, but “rocker momma” at a church Christmas concert is not something you would expect from her…at open mic night maybe.

Gabriel (Luke 1:19) had his 2-month shots yesterday morning and has been a little fussy today. Over all though he is doing well having fought off dual ear infections without so much as a whimper. He’s talking more and recently gave a lecture about the effects of subterranean nuclear testing on the North American earthworm…or may as well have since you can’t understand a thing that comes out of his mouth. He likes to sit up on your lap and look around and recently started standing, with help balancing of course.

Sarah is doing well. She’s mostly healed and is just a little sore when she moves too quickly. I think she really likes being a mom, less at 4am when she’s yelling at me, but neither of us could imagine our lives without Gabe. She is lobbying hard for me to find a job in Wichita, but we’ll see. I wouldn’t mind it but I just hate moving. I know, given my track record you’d never suspect it or at least figure I have it down to a science, but the thought of moving again is unpleasant.

Well, I hope this finds you well and that you have a great Christmas (or guilt-free Hanukkah Harvey) and a blessed New Year. I almost forgot! Did anybody else have to make a trip to their local post office for the privilege of picking up Pete and Julie’s Christmas card for the low low price of 13 cents, just to be disappointed there was no picture of a pregnant Julie inside? Yeah, so I foolishly did so yesterday…the busiest day of the year for the post office. Love you too.

Santa out.

World Domination Put On Hold…Briefly

This is getting ridiculous. I promise I will start updating more often…heck, I have the time. Speaking of my abundance of time, thank you for all the support you have shown. I know there are some of you who called out of love and I haven’t gotten back with you, for that I’m sorry, but I promise I will.

Everyone has been asking how I’m doing and I’m not sure what to say. I went through a pretty harsh grieving process, but in my typical style it took up the better part of my Thursday and a little of Friday. Now I’ve had time to get introspective about the whole thing and simply put, it just sucks. I know…how profound. This is the life I have chosen though. The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next. It’s an addiction that without which I would be excruciatingly bored, but am trying to break. My job was never in my hands it was in the hands of the people. Not that I thought this would ever happen, but it was always a possibility.

A constituent sent me a note and he said: “Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.”

Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except for all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid. But what is defeat? Nothing but education; nothing but the first step to something better.

And now for something better:

I can’t believe how being a father can put everything in simple perspective. Eat, poop, and sleep…past that the rest will work itself out. None of us have more control of our life than that. It’s in God’s hands and we must be patient and he will give us direction.

Sarah is hanging in there like a champ. She has only told me to get a job like 1 or 2…hundred times. ☺ Neither of us has been getting too much sleep. I think she enjoys her time at home with Gabe though.

Alli the Super Puppy has been doing so well. It’s funny because someone told us over the weekend that when you have the second kid it makes the first one more mature. Who knew it would work with the dog too.

We have delusions of grandeur again this year that we’ll actually get Christmas cards out…ya know, before February. Since we now have Gabriel to brag about we might actually do it. ☺ If not, have a great Holiday and we hope to see as many of you as we can.

God bless… and remember, if you drink don’t drive. Don’t even putt.

My Partner in 'Taking Over the World' Arrives

At 2 hours old Gabriel is already giving the stink-eye at the idea of being confined to the "baby" stereotype. This whole "eating, sleeping and poopping" thing is sooo beneath him.


I'm literally at a coffee shop around the corner from the hospital. I would add more pics and such, but their internet is slower than Kurt doing math...with a calculator.

No Kurt, you can't use the calculator to drive nails.

Yes I Still Remember Your Name...Mulva?

I know, I know. It's been forever since I've updated. When I get a free moment to do so I will. Till then you can do a Google News search on me. Fun Fun.

Gabriel Alan Black…and other people you should know, but probably don’t

Kurt has come and gone. While the visit was much too brief, valuable life lessons were learned. Such as, there is no such thing as popping into Dave & Buster’s to use the rest room. Let me back track quickly…If you don’t know what Dave & Buster’s is (D&B to the homies that are down) the easy explanation is it’s a Chucky Cheese for adults, sans the bad music played by robots.

Kurt and I had met Sarah in Kansas City for lunch and were innocently going to stop by Cabela’s to drool at the guns. I needed to stop by Brooks Brothers and then we both had to use the restroom. I saw D&B and thought we could sneak in to relieve some pressure and head over to Cabela’s…I was sadly mistaken. Cut to two and half hours later to Kurt and I with shotguns in hand blasting at various woodland creatures…and Sarah calling on her way home to see where we are. They have some of the best video games around, from hunting to boxing to horse racing to a NFL game that would’ve made Ryan drool.

After I physically removed Kurt from the Dance Dance Revolution game during a heated battle with a 13 year old girl, we got to try some of the other ones out. We never did make it Cabela’s though.

That weekend Sarah’s momanem (that’s mom and them for you northerners, i.e. Jessie, Abby, and Corbin) came up for a visit. We went over to the Legends (where D&B is) and shopping ensued. They wore me out and I sent them to Overland Park by themselves, where even more shopping happened.

On the work front, the Speaker’s event Monday is coming together. It’s been surreal working with the secret service. Nothing has been a surreal as helping some constituents who were in southern Beirut when the fighting broke out. While I was on the phone with the man the building across the street disappeared with his wife and three kids screaming in the background. I felt like I was in a movie all day. We got them out. They were air lifted off the roof of their hotel and taken to Cyprus, but not before we had a few more phone calls with bombs going off in the background.

I can’t believe how quickly this summer has gone; here we are in August already. Next week this time I will be sitting at my desk…but I’ll be sitting with the anticipation of coming to GR the next day!! It sounds like Pete and Julie are having people over Saturday…if they invite me I’ll probably stop by.

Oh...and for those that are a little slow...The name in the title is the name of our baby.

Seacrest Out

"Get a Job" and Other Things I Can No Longer Say to My Wife

That's right folks!! Sarah is employed! She is finishing her first week at a marketing firm in Kansas City. I haven't seen much of her this week. Not because she is working so much, but because she has been going to bed at 8. I've been staying up with Alli since she has been spending her days in her kennel. We're going to get a gate and see how she does in the kitchen since it's easy to clean up.

AND! We're having a boy!!! Which I totally knew we would since:

1) The Telmans are having a girl and;

B) Sarah and her mom bought a ton of girl stuff.

As Ryan would say, "I'm not the sharpest lightbulb on the combination plate" (I know, I've never been able to figure it out either over the last 15 years, but what are ya going to do? You have to love the enthusiasm in which he delivers it.) But as I stood in the backyard of a stranger and watched Sarah and her mom purchase some 120 odd dollars worth of never/slightly used girl clothing it became clear our fate was sealed (which I will fully admit was a great deal, and a little disappointing that we can't use. It was all GAP, Polo, Carter's, "insert expensive baby clothier here", some with the tag still on). Because that's how my life works. The second Sarah picked-up the first little pink GAP bunny footy pajamas and cried "Awwww!" testosterone was instantly released and our peanut became a he-nut.

In other news, Kurt is coming out for the holiday weekend. Let me repeat, Kurt is coming out to see us. Notice your name was not included (unless you're Kurt, Hi Kurt!). If you would like to remedy the name situation know that you are always invited to God's sauna, I mean Kansas. Ryan and Kara are exempt as they are in their third trimester and Ryun could deliver at any moment. As for the rest of you, for shame...for shame. Especially those of you who live in KS. For Christ's sake, gas is not THAT expensive. *cough*Colorado*cough* Akhem, sorry...I had a mountainous neighboring state in my throat.

And in recognition of said visit by Kurt I will refrain from making fun of him in this post. I appreciate his mother pinning a note to his jacket and putting him on the plane. I promised Barbara that I would be at the airport with a "Mamma's Boy" sign and promptly return him in 3 to 5 business days.

He flooded the basement.

Damn! I just couldn't help myself...sorry Kurt.

I better go before I start bringing up the fact that I caught more fish than my fishing expert of a brother-in-law on the Saturday before Father's Day...I'm just saying...and this time I took the fish off the hook, by myself, which was only slightly traumatic. Who knew bass could draw blood?

Lazy Days of Summer...Oh Who am I Kidding?

There will be an update soon, I promise. I'm a total slacker and a horrible friend. But you already knew this.

I sat down to write the update, but just about fell asleep it was so boring. When the inspiration hits you'll be the first to know.

Till then...

What Do You Call a Person Who Graduated Last in Their Medical School Class? Doctor, but Only on Sunday.

Well, this has been a trying week. There have been ups, and there have been some severe downs. Today I found out my mom is anemic and will have a blood transfusion Friday, so keep her in your prayers. Sunday El Prego Diablo and I spent the day in the hospital. We thought she had a touch of food poisoning as she was up all night running to the bathroom. Sunday morn she called the doctor and we were sent to the hospital to be treated for dehydration. After a liter of fluids Sar was feeling better, but I want you all to listen closely to the wisdom I am about to impart:

1. Don't ever go to the emergency room on a Sunday if you can help it. Apparently the good doctors are at home, church, or the golf course. I say this as a public service announcement. The two times I have ever been to the ER on a Sunday the doctors have been terrible.

The first time many of you may remember when I broke my nose in high school. After the ill-advised double flip the "doctor" (and I use this term loosely) told me my nose wasn't broken, go home and ice it. Four days later when it was still bothering me an ear, nose, and throat specialist asked me "What happened to your nose? It looks like it's broken." as I walked through the door. To this day my glasses have a slight slant.

This past Sunday the doctor (all 4'10" of her, this isn't to say small people are not smart enough to be a good doctors, but if two men were standing in front of me in white coats I would solicit advice from the humongous healing hands of Peter before approaching the carni-esque hands of Kurt) was not able to find the baby's heartbeat. The nurse struck out as well. Which brings me to my second pearl of wisdom (I know you thought I would never get there, give me a break, at least it's not the honeymoon story).

But first a word from our sponsor: This pearl of wisdom is brought to you by the Coalition for Common Sense, helping to pry your head out of your butt since 1892.

2. Don't ever, EVER, say the word miscarriage to a woman carrying her first child.

EVER.

You are an ER doctor, not an OB/GYN. Admit that you suck at using the little heartbeat finder and that you need to call in the pros. For the love of God whatever you do not "make us feel better" by non-chalantly adding, "if it is a miscarriage there isn't anything we can do, the body will expel it on it's own". WTF? Is that doctor speak for "I have no bedside manner because I'm jaded/bitter and a little incompetent?" So the ultrasound tech was called in from home and the baby was just fine, good heartbeat and wiggling around. Longest hour of my life waiting for the ultrasound lady.

The weekend had started out so well too. We went to KC for cinco di mayo and saw Steph. Amy and David came up to buy a car, and Carrie and her fiance came into town for dinner. It was almost like we had friends. Not friends that sit around a fire and have a visit from Grand Rapids' finest, but friends none the less. I should've known when it took 6 years to buy the car on Saturday that things were heading downhill fast.

There was a bright spot. Monday morning we welcomed the Majority Leader to Topeka and raised $70,000. The largest amount ever raised in Topeka...ever. More than any other Congressman or Senator. $31,000 more than the campaign has ever done in Topeka. A happy boss is a good thing.

Alli the SP (satan puppy, super puppy, you be the judge) was responding well to the spray bottle, but now we have to make sure to get her right in the face or it doesn't faze her. Unfortunately she will probably revert to her old ways because she gets to spend the weekend with Aunt Sadie (yes the dog) who taught her it was OK to bark in the first place.

My debate was pretty rough. She is not a nice person. I held my own, restrained myself mostly, and beat her to death on abortion and the process of passing legislation. There was a question or two I couldn't answer, but it was because I am still getting to know Jim and couldn't speak confidently on his behalf. The lady just has no idea how Congress works, or does and is relying on the fact most people don't. I never understood how much people's understanding of government is based on School House Rock commercials.

I'm a bill, I'm a bill, up on Capital Hill...everybody now.

What's a Month Among Friends?

Ok, so I said I would update once a week, and I realize it has been a month (I can do the math), but I've been a smidge busy. This "Taking Over the World" thing has been keeping me pretty occupied.

Where to start? Since we last spoke I've spent two weeks traveling the great 2nd district. In the last month my ability the produce more children has been challenged. I toured a nuclear power plant (and have just recently stopped glowing), procured a Blackberry which seems to have a transmission strength just short of the infamous 400lbs microwave purchased in 1978 that is 3 days younger than me (which is still in use in my mother's classroom...apparently to shape the minds of the future you must first melt them with large doses of radiation), and to top it off I spent an afternoon with the VP. Dick Cheney is not as radioactive as a power plant, but we were on a military base...there are lots of guns...you do the math.

I've also have been busy on the campaign trail, raising money, kissing babies, and next Tuesday I have to debate our opponent at the KS Nurses Association meeting. Does anyone else think I should be getting paid more? At the end of the day, I don't get to be the Congressman but I'm willing to trade the title for compensation. We are closing in on the Majority Leader event which has broken all money records for a Topeka event...which basically means I'll have a job for another month or so. After the Kansas Relays event I was actually worried a little, but the money wasn't down just nobody showed up to eat the food they paid for.

Everyone else is doing well. El Prego Diablo is close to a full recovery from morning sickness (read all-day sickness) and has adjusted to her new pills nicely. We had an ultrasound last week. There is only one baby, that has two arms and two legs and apparently a good spine. It is too early to determine the sex, so we have to wait a few more weeks.

Sar anything to add? She says send chocolate.

We haven't really bought anything for the baby yet, other than the standard KSU garb. We got a grill instead. I figure we can just take out the grates and throw in a blanket, but Sarah insists that it is inappropriate. I challenged her to find another baby with a stainless steel crib and added how urban lofty it would make the baby's landing look. She wasn't buying it.

Satan (a.k.a. Alli the Super Puppy) has forced us to find the spray bottle. This horrible habit of barking at anything that moves will come to an end soon, whether she likes it or not. She turned 1 year old on the 28th and received a new kennel, t-shirt, chew toy, and a no-pull harness. That's right, my 10lbs dog has the pulling power suitable for the Iditarod.

It has been raining a lot here lately (so much that we had a mud slide yesterday) and Alli is terrified of thunder and shakes during storms, so we did what any good parent would do...we took her out and sat on the porch with her during a really bad hail storm. Now she shakes when it's just raining. I can't wait for November...screwing up a little human has to be more fun than screwing up a little dog :)

Whirlwind Tour

Grandma Black and Aunt Megan (my mother and sister) came to town last weekend and shopping ensued. Seriously, I couldn't hardly keep up.

They came to town on the train, which is new for our family. They seemed to enjoy it, but if given the chance I think they would fly. Unfortunately the mass exodus of Michigan, otherwise known as spring break, was in full swing. What this means is two things:

1. You will see 747's at the GR airport. The only other time you see this is Christmas or the President is in town.

2. If you want to be on said planes, you must make plans at least 6 months in advance or pay $700 per ticket. For $1400 I'd fly firstclass and leave the offspring at home.

Now they could've circumvented the 747's and driven to Chicago or Detroit, but what they would've paid for in gas and parking could've bought their train tickets. So, being of fine Dutch stock my mother booked the train. This peeked my interest. For less than one plane ticket they could've had their own private firstclass cabin. If they had reported the food on the train to be good, I probably would have found a new favorite way to travel. But alas, the food was not good, the people at the ticket counter were rude, and looked as though they were bitter airline stewardess rejects. The fellow passengers looked a bit surly as well.

Will I ever ride the rails? Maybe. Flying will probably remain my preferred mode of travel. I wonder if you can have pets on the train. Might be worth looking into.

El Prego Diablo is doing better this week. Motivation seems to be a challenge, but she has moments of energy. I think she's worn out from the weekend. Oh, and the new couch arrived. Finally, we can retire the lawn chair.

Alli the super puppy (El diablo de perrito) has taken to hiding under the bed when she sees I'm almost ready for work, or it's time to go to bed. She usually gets right in, but spent a lot of time alone this weekend while we made our effort to support the economy. I bought two shirts and a whole new weekend outfit...I can't let the terrorists win.

We're pregnant!

It is official! The pregnancy test came back positive...now we're just waiting for the paternity tests to come back and we'll be set. :) Just teasing! Put down the pan woman!!!

We are expecting a baby November 5th, which works out wonderfully...2 days before election day. Everybody start praying for a late baby.

We are in our 8th week and headed to the doctors tomorrow for a check up. Sarah has been experiencing morning sickness...and afternoon sickness...and evening sickness...and last night, middle of the night sickness. She hasn't been throwing up, but feels nauseous. This is usually remedied by eating, which she does about every two hours. She eats far less at each sitting, so I think it all balances out in the end.

Alli the Super Puppy is excited...but she's always is, so we're not sure if it's because of the baby or she found a stinky sock.

I'll be updating at least once a week, and eventually I'll figure out how to add pictures. Until then, keep practicing, and you too could have a baby.

The Boredom Level of This Blog is Not a reflection of It's Owner

This blog has been terribly boring so far. I sincerely apologize. Along with the new job stresses, Alli the Super Puppy is not taking the move too well. Formerly, she ran around a 4 acre spread with her aunt Sadie, or you should find her playing in the backyard of her cousins KC and Max (yes these are all dogs). Now our neighbors share our wall, and there is no yard.

You see we live in one of those "new Rockwell" planned communities. They're the ones that have the sidewalk five feet from the front porch, and the garages in the back. They look great, and the only time I hear our neighbors is when their oldest daughter is sending their youngest daughter down the stairs in the laundry basket...which seems to be their only entertainment on the weekends. All this aside, I long for a house that is near everything, but has some acreage so you feel like you're not surrounded.

Well, we'll just have to make due till May...07. We'll make it, and Alli shall as well.

Stop! The Spin is Rooming!

When did our life get so fast, but move so slow. Last week felt like it took forever! I started a new job a week ago today, but I feel like I've been working here for months.

In the Begining

In the begining, there was a blog. What happens next, is anyone's guess.